Wine and Tears

I started this post with a different title, different words, different emotions, but I deleted it. As my children get older, things get a little bit tougher. Their demands are higher, their verbiage stronger, and  my patience most of the time forgotten.

Monday’s are my best days, I walk into it with strength enough to take on the week. But then Wednesday hits, and all I’ve said, all I’ve done seem to go out of the window. From looking for work that fits my children’s school schedule, to knowing that I can build my business at home but where do I begin. To their father texting me after 3 weeks of not seeing them and countless excuses given, to asking me to see them today. To me, responding with a “yes” when I really want to say “no” because they would love that, and me, well I could care less.

He (‘their dad’ as it is saved in my contacts) walks in here after I’ve done their laundry, folded every single article of clothing, picked them up from school, made them a snack, put them in the shower, and helped them both with homework, separately! He laughs at my annoyance when the kids do something out of line. Do I respond, no. And their dad, of whom they have not seen gets the “thank you God for dad being here today end of the day prayer”.  

The selfish part of me wants to say I am here everyday honey! But I get no recognition. It’s my job right? While he is feeling like father of the year I assume, I’m upset inside. 

I stay in the room to put away the laundry and just sit and rest for a little. I mean I’ve had a long day of mothering and thinking, organizing and everything else under the sun, then comes my youngest into the room where I am, to ask ME for a glass of water when his dad is perfectly fit to get up and pour him a glass himself. 
But again, I say nothing. Some of you may be like, why isn’t she saying anything, but I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’ve exerted good energy on arguing or voicing to someone who obviously does not care what I do for his kids, or he would help, contribute, and add to.

The end of the night is here, and I laid in bed, fatigued, agitated, angry, slightly helpless, because I am allowing my feelings and emotions to get the best of ME. And I’m pissed.

  • He doesn’t have to worry about finding work that fits the boys school schedule
  • He doesn’t go to parent teacher night
  • He doesn’t get the complaints of bad behavior most afternoons
  • He doesn’t have to deal with the tantrums everyday

He doesn’t he doesn’t , I do. And while I chose this life. I pray, I pray that God wipes away my tears, gives me wisdom, helps me to better operate patience, show love when I am angry, stop complaining, but praising, and start doing not thinking. The motivated jasmine would say that. But the present Jasmine, wants to drink wine, cry, let it out and wants to have a vivid imagination of better ahead. Dreams of me conquering my fears and creating that businesss. Imagination of money being released of which has been put on hold, imagination of me being patient and just taking these two weeks to get my mind in order and applying what I’ve learned and teaching other woman too. Imagination of me just sitting here talking to God and just telling him, Yo G, you got me right? Can you wipe my tears and give me a hug? Please, I need ya…

Signed, 

Jasmine with the “to whom much is given, much is required type of job.”
Photo image: nationaldrinkwineday.org

#wine #longday #momanddad #present #singlemomlife #momlife #howisinglemomit


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