FIGHT!

In life, when you are aware of your surroundings, you must fight through. Fight through what goes on in this world and create your own amongst what you are use to, expose to, and what you see. You have to fight with FAITH, HAPPINESS, and LOVE, and most of all PATIENCE. 

The world as you know it, was taught. You came into this world from another human being different from you, who taught you what they know. As you you get older, you conform to how you like things and what you know. Some of them good, some of them bad. Some of them to other people. Either way, you have to fight through. And You have to fight through controlling emotions. Emotions that I find are hard to sustain at times. 

For example, you want something, but it’s beyond your control to get that thing. You now have to LIVE with what you have and find and fight another way around that feeling of not having, AT THAT MOMENT. 

Relationships. You are one way, the other person is the opposite. That person does things totally off the grid with the way you do things, but because you love that individual, you FIGHT. You fight to love, teach, keep and live with that individual.

If you have not noticed yet, what I am getting at is this. LIFE IS A FIGHT! A fight for what we believe in, a fight for what we want and how we want to live life. It’s a complete fight. Some days, you’ll win some, some days you’ll lose some. But The blessing, the blessing is being blessed to see another day, and start over again.

And Fought to write with control emotions, and give you a bit of insight with what goes on in my mind.

Jasz

#life #fight #love #howisinglemomit

Photo credit: https://www.t-nation.com/system/publishing/articles/291/original/Find-Your-Fight.jpg?1383775059

Wine and Tears

I started this post with a different title, different words, different emotions, but I deleted it. As my children get older, things get a little bit tougher. Their demands are higher, their verbiage stronger, and  my patience most of the time forgotten.

Monday’s are my best days, I walk into it with strength enough to take on the week. But then Wednesday hits, and all I’ve said, all I’ve done seem to go out of the window. From looking for work that fits my children’s school schedule, to knowing that I can build my business at home but where do I begin. To their father texting me after 3 weeks of not seeing them and countless excuses given, to asking me to see them today. To me, responding with a “yes” when I really want to say “no” because they would love that, and me, well I could care less.

He (‘their dad’ as it is saved in my contacts) walks in here after I’ve done their laundry, folded every single article of clothing, picked them up from school, made them a snack, put them in the shower, and helped them both with homework, separately! He laughs at my annoyance when the kids do something out of line. Do I respond, no. And their dad, of whom they have not seen gets the “thank you God for dad being here today end of the day prayer”.  

The selfish part of me wants to say I am here everyday honey! But I get no recognition. It’s my job right? While he is feeling like father of the year I assume, I’m upset inside. 

I stay in the room to put away the laundry and just sit and rest for a little. I mean I’ve had a long day of mothering and thinking, organizing and everything else under the sun, then comes my youngest into the room where I am, to ask ME for a glass of water when his dad is perfectly fit to get up and pour him a glass himself. 
But again, I say nothing. Some of you may be like, why isn’t she saying anything, but I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’ve exerted good energy on arguing or voicing to someone who obviously does not care what I do for his kids, or he would help, contribute, and add to.

The end of the night is here, and I laid in bed, fatigued, agitated, angry, slightly helpless, because I am allowing my feelings and emotions to get the best of ME. And I’m pissed.

  • He doesn’t have to worry about finding work that fits the boys school schedule
  • He doesn’t go to parent teacher night
  • He doesn’t get the complaints of bad behavior most afternoons
  • He doesn’t have to deal with the tantrums everyday

He doesn’t he doesn’t , I do. And while I chose this life. I pray, I pray that God wipes away my tears, gives me wisdom, helps me to better operate patience, show love when I am angry, stop complaining, but praising, and start doing not thinking. The motivated jasmine would say that. But the present Jasmine, wants to drink wine, cry, let it out and wants to have a vivid imagination of better ahead. Dreams of me conquering my fears and creating that businesss. Imagination of money being released of which has been put on hold, imagination of me being patient and just taking these two weeks to get my mind in order and applying what I’ve learned and teaching other woman too. Imagination of me just sitting here talking to God and just telling him, Yo G, you got me right? Can you wipe my tears and give me a hug? Please, I need ya…

Signed, 

Jasmine with the “to whom much is given, much is required type of job.”
Photo image: nationaldrinkwineday.org

#wine #longday #momanddad #present #singlemomlife #momlife #howisinglemomit

A prayer for you

Father God in the name of Jesus, to whomever is reading this right now father God, I ask that the Holyspirit leads me in the name of Jesus, I pray that this prayer touches the person reading this right now. I pray that you start to speak LIFE into the dry areas of your life. I pray for your mind, for peace, and understanding. I pray for wisdom in ways you never thought possible. I pray that when you think about the shoulda coulda would have beens, you realize that this is what was written and to have faith in where God in where he is about to take you. I know that you didn’t want this for your life. I know you often wonder if you will ever marry again, or even date. Yes there is a man out there for you, but you have to stay true, true to you. Love you, encourage you, lift you, know you. All of these things have to be sought after. You must heal, forgive, surrender and know that God has your best interest at heart. I pray that you do not settle for less, because you think that, that is what is best at the time. I pray for an open line of communication for you and their father. I pray that you do not fight physically, but that you fight spiritually. I pray that you go to God first rather than with your emotions. I pray that you allow yourself to bed led, and learn to trust yourself more. I understand you didn’t think you would be raising him or her or them alone. But this is life, make the best of it, love it , live it, embrace it. It’s a gift, God given and to you. I pray that your spiritual relationship with God is better than before, I pray you don’t go back, and that you BELIEVE GOD FOR WHO HE IS.
In jesus name, amen. #prayer #pray #faith #surrender #howisinglemomit

I’ve Been Selfish…

I’ve been selfish
I’ve been going through some things, and because my emotions have gotten the best of me, I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain with God. The bargain was to have permission in utilizing the gift within me to encourage YOU. Since I’ve been back in NYC, I’ve faced some challenges. I took me coming back HOME as a leap of faith. But as soon as the going got tough, I stopped praying, I stopped wringing. J cried, I complained, I even went as far as questioning , was it because of my own sins. 
I was Believing God for the transition I made from being away. I grew spiritually, became more humble, not completely changed, but a better person. I still have some old habits I have to get over, but who doesn’t. Anyway, today I was able to get myself out of the emotional neck of the woods. I woke up super charged. I fib, slightly woke up super charged. 
Still with pain in my heart, and tears here and there, my current mood is “get ish done!”. Like JASZ, i don’t care what happened, get things done, don’t LOSE SIGHT! I don’t know why some things have happened recently, but I have to believe God for them. I have to trust him for it. Nobody has my back more then HE. And when I say that, that doesn’t discredit those that are in my corner. From my family, to My FF’s “family friends”. Those people were placed there by God. So yes, God has my back, because he knows who belongs and who doesn’t. 
I lost some things and some people recently, but gained more all in the same. Some people I didn’t want to let Go of, but I did, had to. It still hurts because I miss that/those individual(s). 
Some things were taken from me, that I held onto, but it was “A” season. Through the rough times, my boys still kiss me and say I love you. Through rough times, I get a text, or Call saying, Jasz I just prayed for you, or Jasz everything will be ok. That’s LOVE. You see LOVE covers all. It overpowers all. I am still learning LOVE. There is so much more than what I presently experience. I know that HE loves me a ton. Because he sends me daily reminders even when I am being STUBBORN, that no matter how rough things are right now, Jasmine, I love you my daughter. 
So to whomever is presently reading this, whatever your present storm is, if you can find an inkling / pinch of belief, trust, faith in God. Trust him. Trust him that things are happening for a greater change, a better you. And even if you don’t think so, someone is looking up to you. 
With Love, 

The Only Love I know to Give, my kind of love. Jasz.  #selfish #humble #howisinglemomit