I’m Not a Bad Mom, I’m just having a rough day.

Time to yourself is non existent. The time you get to yourself is in the bathroom during your shower. But then, that’s not peaceful because your getting knocks on the door with “Mom can I get a peanut butter sandwich?” I roll my eyes and reply, “when I get out”. Followed by another knock from my other child asking me what I am doing? Before I continue, please don’t take this as a complaint, or me whining.   I huff with frustration, speed up my shower and immediately get annoyed. But those days are long gone as of a month ago. Before I go in the bathroom, I make sure the boys are fed, their favorite show is on, and all the questions you can think of them asking has already been answer. Then I threaten them with the “if any of you knock on mommy’s bathroom door while I am in the shower, I will not take you to the pool  AND you can say good bye to your favorite ninja turtle. (Said in my most aggressive stern voice) I say other things, but I am pretty sure you get my point. 

What about the supermarket run? “Don’t ask me for candy, or any other treat for that matter. Don’t try to make me change my mind, and don’t you dare run down the aisle. This is not a playground. This is where we buy our food! Now Hold my hands. And when we walk inside you keep your hands on the cart.”Do you think they remembered any of this? HECK NO! My blood is boiling, my shoulders are tense and I’ve just about had it. The cart became their play ground and walking in front of people who are walking in the opposite direction become translucent to them and I’m left snatching them before a run in happens. I’ve just about had it. I can’t drop them off at their fathers house because he lives in another state. Even when we lived in NYC, that wasn’t an option. I live in a place where I have family but no support. I do everything by myself. I get them ready and myself ready every morning. I cook dinner lunch, help with homework. I work from home, and that consists of time related work. Prayer keeps me, but days like today, prayer was not something I wanted to do. I’m sick of being sick and tired. What did I do ? What am I missing? Why is it so hard? Like what the (bleep) I am sure I will calm down by tomorrow. But days like this, I sit in my room or my closet and just sit in silence. It’s a lot of work the job that we have. You are always needed. You are pulled in different directions. Son #1 and Son #2. Full time work, and then there you. But you get the left overs. The little energy to paint your toe nails never happens. The little time to clean  your bathroom and fix it up all nice. Even your hair. Becomes easy styles. In and out. The little energy to encourage someone, or feel loved isn’t there but you do a little something anyway. You are always needed for love and affection and a shoulder to cry on. But whose shoulder do you have? 

I use to think being excited when your kids were at school or camp was a bad thing. It isn’t. You are human, you need your time too. If you aren’t right, your children aren’t right. 

#singlemom

Understanding Oneself

I was going to write about something else, but felt compelled to share this. It’s Saturday afternoon, I just came back from an ice cream run with the kiddies and I just  said my afternoon prayers. As I sat in my closet (where I pray) and talked to God about how I thank him for helping me acknowledge my errors, I also touched on something else.

There was a point in my life a few months ago where I was unhappy with where I was. I have this good job, I am helping other parents, I have my own apartment, a brand new vehicle, I work from home. I mean I was not satisfied. This is coming from a woman who moved from NYC a year ago with her two boys and $400 in her pocket. A year ago I was sharing a two bedroom apartment with my brother. A year ago I slept on the bottom bunk futon pull out with my son. A year ago I road the train to and from work. A year ago the things I have right now we’re things  I prayed for, and I was still not satisfied. But I never stopped to really think about what it was that I was missing. I thought, perhaps if I buy a video camera, and set it up in my home, I can record myself and see how I am from a different lens. I was being greedy and I need to be able to change that with a switch. Now I say greedy, because if you are not in the mindset of gratefulness, you don’t account for the things that you have.  I allowed my circumstances to get the best of me, and since my children are the only ones around, my way of communicating wasn’t at its best. I said, you know what God, if I could only program my mind to step outside of myself and see how I react the environment around me, perhaps the will to want to change will be greater. Then, I said wait, that is self awareness. And since I am not buying a camera anytime soon, I will work on doing just that. Change the way I think, to change the way I see things.

I am sure there are some things you may not be thrilled about yourself. Whether it be your weight, how you act around people, your finances, or where you are presently career wise. The power of change is there. It can be done, it is attainable. It’s just at your paste. All you have to do is sit down and truly ask yourself. Some of these questions.

  • What do I want to change?
  • If I did change this, how will this benefit me?
  • Am I trying to be like someone else, or uniquely myself?
  • What are things that you don’t like in others?
  • Are those same things perfect in your world?
  • Keep in mind that if it isn’t, that is why you don’t like it others

So with that said, I hope you take the time out to reflect on your life as a whole, and your awareness. Are you truly aware of you?

Until next time be safe, and share. Have a great weekend! #momlife #howisinglemomit #awareness

How I get the kids to sleep

This has been a lonnnnngggg battle to say the least. But recently I’ve had about enough! 

I found it that every night I was saying the SAME thing. “GUYS, GO, TO, BED!”. At some point you get tired of hearing yourself complaint about the same thing. I always preach the, “if you can’t change it, change the way you view it”. Well here I am, doing just that. I said to myself, this is the year of patience and will power. This means all areas of your life JASMINE! And I will MASTER just that.

Getting them in bed at a decent time isn’t the issue. It’s making them stay in bed which was driving me bonkers. I am a very chill, relaxed person already. So when I know it’s time to unwind, they must unwind as well. But they are kids, that is almost impossible! So, I sat there and shut my mouth. I did not say one word. There was a moment where I almost slipped because I could hear them jumping on the bed. At one point I got up to get water, and I could see my youngest going back and forth between his bed and his brothers bed. They couldn’t see me because I had not turned the kitchen light on yet. I stood there and watched. Rather than say anything I took my water bottle top and threw it at their open door. (yes I can be petty sometimes) You should have seen them both scatter quickly to their bed. It was hilarious. I got my water, and went back to my room. 

As the AC started to kick in, so did their melatonin levels, and their room got quieter. 30 minutes past, and they were both sound asleep. Wah-lah!! I didn’t have to yell or over exert my energy. And they didn’t have to hear what they hear every night either. You know, your kids will do what you allow them to do. If they are use to knowing what moves you will make, they will keep doing it because there is not threat. But when you switch it on them, they kind of give up. 

This is what I did

  •  After we come in from outside, they go straight in the shower. The reason I do this is because I don’t want any parts of germs from camp/school. (Honestly, I don’t like the school smell on their clothing –yuck) My grandmother always says, “let them unwind first”. I get it, but so will those germs on our couch, thanks but no thanks. This is done at 4:30pm
  • We eat dinner at 5:30/6pmish (we eat at the table together as a family)
  • After dinner, a little tv, unwind a bit
  • 7:20pm prayers and brush their teeth
  • Then there’s the ruckus, while I’m in my room holding my face to the pillow LOL! Well not really, but you get what I mean [patience and will power]
  • By 9:30pm they are asleep
  • They’re Up at 7am, making it 9.5 hours of sleep

And there you have it, this is what works for me. Here is one resource you can check out. Read it, and a take from it what may work for you! 

Resouce link:  10 tips to get your kids to sleep?

http://www.healthline.com

Thanks for reading!

#howisinglemomit #singlemom #momlife 

    Co – Parenting anyone?

    This is a major part of being a single parent. Learning to Co-Parent, wanting to Co-parent, and when the other parent wants no part in the “Co”.
    I have been dealing with this issue for quite some time now. I realized today, as I have grown that I didn’t make things easy. Being negative in the beginning caused the father of my children to shut down completely. It truly doesn’t help when their father wasn’t big on communicating to begin with. It leaves me today in being hopeful. Perhaps when he sees that all I want is for him to be apart of his boys lives, and for us to actually TALK things will change. But what do you do if you are all in and the other party isn’t?

    Not only that, while I see my wrong in things, I also would like the other party to be aware of the damage caused. 

    If any of you are currently co-parenting, would you please share with me and others that are reading what has helped you in having a successful co-parenting relationship? I’ve searched online, and have not come across anything that resonates with me.

    My boy doesn’t want to eat his dinner, so I tried a different approach…..

    Every night I have the same challenge with SJ and dinner. My child is a VERY picky eater. At the age of 2 he was diagnosed with Autism, but recently I was told, he doesn’t have autism, but ADHD. (Misdiagnosed, but That’s for another story) nonetheless, with being on the or not being on the spectrum, he has some sensory issues. Certain food textures cause him to not eat regular foods because of how it feels. It sets triggers causing him to have anxiety or tantrums as I would call it, leaving him with no desire to eat at all.

    When we lived NY he received a lot of therapy which I feel has helped him Til this today. So with the foods that he does eat, as long as he is getting his necessity and his weight is up to par I’m good. When we have dinner, myself and CT will have, rice, beans, vegetables and chicken, and SJ will eat porridge (oatmeal – or spaghetti).  I’ve tried other foodS and he just doesn’t want to eat it. It gets stressful when I want to give him other things, and he just won’t eat it. Imagine how it is when we go out for dinner. We went to red lobster, while myself and CT had other dishes, SJ had biscuits. But that’s just us making the best of it, and we all love that. 

    While It does get stressful, I’ve also had to change the way I handle it. He eats other foods, fruits yogurts, cereal, pancakes, waffles, spaghetti (extra soft and extra soft noodles) grilled cheese sandwiches etc. his doctor in NY calls him a beige eater. He also likes smoothies and green juices that I make at home. My point in sharing this was, just a minute ago, SJ was having a meltdown. He just didn’t want to eat his porridge. He will be 6 soon, so me feeding him porridge and spaghetti Is a big no no for me. He eats everything else on his own, but the foods that I feel are even more beneficial during dinner time, must be eaten independently. I’M TEACHING INDEPENDENCE IN MY HOUSEHOLD PERIOD! 

    I found myself getting upset, 😡and I quickly stopped myself 🙃. I felt the need to encourage him. God just reminded me that sometimes when we don’t want to do something, we need to find our own motivation or, speak to someone to encourage us. So rather than threaten him with ‘the 5 min or else’ deal, I said, ok SJ, you got this baby, take that spoon. YOU CAN DO IT. Eat it. 

    Then he proceeded. One spoon down, another to go. Ok SJ, keep it going let’s go baby! 2nd spoon. The tears stopped, he wiped his face, he’s nodding his  head and digging the compliments. Now I feel like I’m at a football game and I’m telling my QB, let’s go! You got this. (Claps hands together for added effect) CT, walks by, & gives  him the thumbs up. Reassurance from his big brother put a bigger smile on his face…..and then,  he finished it. YAYYY! Let’s go! That’s what I’m talking about SJ, you did it. (Aggressive mom voice)

    Sometimes, we all need just a little bit of encouragement, no matter the obstacle. 

    And this is How I Single Mom It!#encouragment #motivation #singlemom